I have been married for 18 years, I thought it was the greatest marraige. Three years ago my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer, she had surgery, chemo and radiation and the results were very good. After about a year she started contacting old friends which I thought was good until I realized an affair had started with her old high school boyfriend. I confronted her about this but she denied it. I tried to spend more time with her, took her on more vacations, bought her the car she always wanted, tried to be more attentive I thought this was my fault. After our last vacation which was about a year into her affair I finally gave up and decided I would wait until our son was a couple of years older and then I would leave, he was 14 at the time. Then I met someone and as hard as I tried not to I fell in love with her and we very much want to be together but last October my wife had a relapse and her cancer had spread. I took care of her again and went to all the treatments. The day before her surgery I found some letters from her boyfriend and since then she has brought many into the house and left them where I would find them. Now she says she is done with him and wants to fix our marraige but I still want to be with someone else and I don't think I can get past the year of hurt and lies. Please send some advice all the input will help because I am so lost and for the first time in my life I have no answers.
Thank you

Hi berniebfc,

maybe you didn't got an answer til now because the forum is more concentrated on GC issues, but I think and I always felt us to be a family here, so your problems are our problems too.

I know I'm quite new to the marriage game, will be 30 this year and am married since nearly 6 years, so I surely didn't lived all the outcomes of a marriage.

But as the Bible says, age doesn't give wisdom, only God does.

If you want, you can write me at daolwin at hotmail dot com, I dunno if I can help, but I've through these sorts of things and may be my experience can help you in.

D.

Hi Bernie,

I am very busy today, therefor I read your message only five minutes ago. I just want you to know, that I can imagine how difficult your situation is and that it was a good idea to ask for help at the trust7 family!

Thank you Nobody for offering help. Maybe there are some others, experienced and nice people, who can help, too.

Head up Bernie!

Detlef

Hi Bernie,

Sorry to hear from you. It is quite surprising after 18 years of marriage life you face such a problems now. I am afraid that i couldnt advice you in this issue however i could tell you to write your problems in http://www.ammas.com/ar/main.html
It is a great forum to discuss all the relationship problem. The comments from the forum members are really appreciable. It is worth looking at this site.

Hope it helps you.

Regards,

Baskey

Hello berniebfc,
I really fell sorry for the situation you are facing. Actually its quite complicated situation.

In my views you should had to leave your wife once she attach herself with her old boyfriend or at least she should had to.
but as you continue and also did the same thing as she did (attach yourself with someone else) so now its equal.

both of you should forget the past and live together.

life is very small. you may not get another 18 years to understand someone else. even if you get this time, its not guaranted that the same thing will not happen again. but its looking more realistic that your wife will be sincere now.
secondly,may be your son will miss all the time you both live together.

regards,
Afzal

Hello Bernie,

An Husband and Wife can seperate based on circumstances, but a Father and Mother should never seperate. You have faced the trifles and tribulations all these years with ease. I dont think it should be a problem to face the future from now. Both of you have faced similiar problems, got diverted and now I strongly feel that you should be back to reality and lead your life with more love affection tolerance and optimism.
Afterall 'HOPE' is the only factor that decides everyone's life.

Good luck for a bright future.

@Baskey

"It is quite surprising after 18 years of marriage life you face such a problems now."

The last day I saw my father, it was in 1987, 4 years before he died, I was 12 at that time, I asked him if we would see again, because I knew he was going for quite a long time for medical reasons, he told me one thing before travelling: "In this life son, the only thing you can be sure of is that the sun will always rise at the East and go down at the West".

I acknowledge he was right when he died and I couldn't see him; I acknowledged he was right when those I was sure of their love and friendship betrayed me and with all I've lived in my nearly 6 years of marriage (I dunno if you are, and if you're not then this could explain your sentence, but no offense), I still acknowledge he was right.

Even you, you're not sure you'll be living tomorrow, I'm not sure I will be living to read your answer if you answer, but I'm sure the sun will always shine from the East and go down at the West.

D.

Hello Nobody,

I can't accept with you. If you think like that you have to believe even Sun rise and set may become unreliable one day!!. We can't run our families without positive beliefs. It may happen or may not happen , atleast be positive then negative...:-):-)

Regards,

Baskey

:-) it was just to say that only natural things stay as established, but if you think that even natural things can changed, then you will have to agree that men can change, even feelings.

In these few years I've been married, I had problems, surely and I came to know for example that no good, even the more expensive can't give you the heart that has been lost, only love can.

But it's such a deep consideration than discussing marriage problems than one who has never been married, will have problems to really understand what the whole issue is or could be about.

D.

The best answer for most of the complicated problems
is "TIME".Just give her some time (1 or 2 months) and from ur side be normal as if nothing happened.Just observe the situation then you will be in a better situation to decide.GoodLuck !!!