Hi Detlev and all green/carders ,

I have a daughter who completed her 18 years about five months ago . She was a fan of watching a TV programm which is called Jugend Gerischt for three years . At last we were supprised that she asked to leave our house with the help of Law Enforcment organs ,Police !!!.
She got meldet by a boyfriend and abgemeldet from our house to an unknown address by us , and took her stuff . I could not do anything even the Police did not allow us to talk to her when she left explaining that she has the right .
My question is , does she loose the right of living in Germany or not because she left the house . Her aufenthaltserlaubness was issued on the basis of mine as a Green Card Holder .
I have written a letter to the OrdnungsAmt with the help of my lawyer three weeks ago with same question asking about her legal status .

Last advice to who is planning to come working to Germany , please think twice when you want to bring your children with yourselfs . You will not be able to preserve your Cultural heritage and traditions with local laws as you will find yourself in a less privileged position than your grown ups even they are less advantagous for the German Economy because she did not find an ausbuildung plaz untill now and will be a burden .

Please help in your feedback , I made a big mistake bringing my kids with me .
Detlev , can you provide a legal help here .

old_man,

At this point, i really can not find the proper words to tell how disappointed i get with your story.

Hopefully everything on your side will get better soon

Hi old_man,

as I am an old man myself (age 55), maybe you accept easier what I have to say. I hope so!

It is not easy to give an advice, because you told us only a small part of the story and therefore I hesitated before I wrote this answer, but here it comes. I think your problem is more a family problem, than one of laws and visa status. In Germany a person is an adult, with all the rights, like taking part in elections and therefore your daughter is an adult, too. She can stay with you or she can leave your house, as she like it.

I can imagine, that you come from a country with tradition and rules, much different from ours and I can also imagine, that the influence of TV, young German friends at school, our whole way of living, did cause many problems for your family. But how could I give any advice? You already consultet a lawyer, so you know about the legal status, so there is not much which I can say, but maybe there are some other users, friends, in our forum, who can tell you more, if you tell us a little bit more about your home country and so.

I just want to tell you, that I have 2 grown up children, and believe me, we have much different points of view in many ways, and I am sure, that they would not come to our house, to my wife and me any more, if we would not accept their way of thinking and if we would not tell them, that we love them! Regardless what they are doing and regardless whom they choose as a partner.

But for us it is much easier, because we are all Germans and live in our traditional culture. But I guess there is only one solution for you: LOVE

I would appreciate if others take part in this discussion, maybe it helps the old_man already, if he realizes, that he is not alone.

Good luck and all the best to you and your family
Detlef

Hi Old Man

Sad to read your story. I feel pain for you, a little bit for you and a little bit for the fear all the fathers have related to our kids. I´m also a little bit old, but by now with little kids.

The kids grows quite fast doesn´t it?. Maybe too fast for us.

I´m very sorry to know all the probles you had. But also very sorry to know the kind of solution you plan to do.

You ask for our advice, but if we answer "yes - your daughter´s visa is related to your visa" (and I´m sure this is the case) what will you do? You´ll cancel her visa?

Old man, please think twice. You are angry now. But we are in Germany. The things are not so easy and your daughter is not a child anymore.

Please talk to her. Talk her boyfriend. Think about all the things happened that carry your daughter to that point. The fire cannot be extinguished with fire.

And last, just think: if your daughter could carry the police to your house to help her leave, if you cancel your visa she will marry her boyfriend, just simple as it sounds.

Regards

YO

Hi old_man,

it's quite sad to read, but that how life goes, as YO said, kids grow fast, don't they?

Having a 18 y-o girl, you may be old, maybe old enough to be my father (in fact Detlef is :-) ) but having myself 2 little girls (4 and 1), I know what you can feel, I just have to take a look at my children and imagine them doing that. It's only painful.

Yesterday I was listening to a song, the guy was saying "Love is Pain and Pain is Love", you're gonna be hurt when you love and in fact, if you had felt no pain, then there would have been no love. I mean, the only problem seems to be that, LOVE, as Detlef was saying.

When I read you, I told myself, "if he tries something against her, she can do one of the easiest thing: get pregnant and then, they will all be lost", because you won't be able to get her back, and te born child will be one born from anger and desire to be free. At least, that's how young girls in my country react when their fathers want to restrain them from seeing someone.

I don't know what happened between the two of you, there was surely something, being problem, or just a need of independance on her side, but did you had time to talk each other?
Sometimes talking is the key to solve so much problems and if people don't agree, then findin compromises can be the solutions.

Personnaly, I would suggest you to speak to her, not like a father wanting to convince or to blame, but like a father who would like to understand, to help, and show love.

Maybe her calling the cops was becasue she knew that you would have stood against a decision she had, because she knows you (and that's good, because she then knows what you think) but do you know what she thinks? That's the point.

My wife sometimes considers me as a little kid because I like to watch Bern das Brot, Spongebob Squarepants, and other cartoons with my kids, I trully love cartoons, but even if I don't have time to watch them, I prefer to watch them with my kids to know EXACTLY what they're watching, so if questions and behaviours arise, or change in them, I can analyze them according to what I know they are watching.

I don't know if you've already sat watching the Jugend Gerischt with your daughter, watching and following the cases that are discussed. I know you surely are on your working place at that time, but the influence she can receive from there is quite true and really astonishing. I know a friend of mine who had problems with his kids after they've been watching a talk-show talking about sex.

TV is influencing, that's true, but there's no influence greater than the one one can have in one's family.

Your desperate call is somehow mixed with pain and anger, but don't let this anger close your ears to what you daughter wants to say to you because everything she does is just a message to you, if you don't get it, talk to her and let her tell it to you.

That was my 2 cents on this monday morning, happy week start to all and keep your head up, old_man, don't let years and age put a separation between you and her.

D.