Spanish?- No, Portuguese?- No, French?- No, Turk?- No! Then? Indian. "But you don't look like one. How come you have Caucasian features?" It's one question I frequently face to which I grudge in my heart – If only I could get back in time and pull the culprit out by the collar who spoiled my lineage. And yes! my family even calls me Chinese every time I get my hair straightened. Won't it be fun if I could just learn the local languages of these countries and then hit back at anyone who asks me the annoying question next time saying, 'Dude! I can be whoever you want me to be.' That's one advantage of learning new languages, you can easily integrate in different atmospheres without the feeling of being left out.

“If you talk to a man in a language he understands, it goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, it goes straight to his heart.” Nelson Mandela

The purpose here is neither to sound too inspirational nor to dissuade anyone from exploring a new learning experience. The purpose is how to make learning a new language a simpler and fun process to those interested in moving to Germany. If you dream of Germany, dream in German! Yes, it is a requirement, no matter how much you crib or detest, you can't get away with it. If you plan to live in this part of the world you have to learn to communicate in German. Under the proposed bill, all immigrants and foreigners residing in Germany who receive welfare and unemployment benefits are required to enrol in a German language course. Not fulfilling the criteria would lead to reduced welfare and unemployment benefits along with difficulty in getting permanent residency. These serve as penalties for failing to learn the language. Proponents of the bill hold that by knowing the language, barriers to economic and social integration in the country would be substantially reduced. In fact, the government mandates spouses/ partners of those who have migrated to Germany to learn German language and upon successful completion of B1 or B2 level, it pays back half of your total fees.

Now two questions arise-

1. How toilsome is learning German?

2. How many hours do I need to dedicate each day?

To which as a learner of this language I'd suggest- Relax! fellas, it's only a language and not any rocket science? I'd counter question you by asking, 'Is there anything really difficult, if you have the will to do it'? We should always possess win-win attitude, like I said before, after all, it's only a language just like the ones you already know. However, I would firmly advice you not to get haunted by those scary stories about the difficulty of grasping German if you stumble upon them on the internet. They would indeed have a psychological effect and you'd lay down your hands even before attempting, so THINK first! As regards German as a language, some find it difficult, some find it easy to learn, there is always a mixed reaction to it, I personally fall in the category which says, no matter how difficult a challenge is, if it's thrown upon you, beat it anyhow, somehow! Interestingly, our life is a continuous learning process, the day this process ends, our survival in this world ends. And hey!! am I sounding like a sudden reincarnation of ancient Greek philosopher Socrates explaining the metaphysical aspects. Damn! To hell with this philosophy, let's get over with it, in plainer words for those you speak English, learning German would be relatively easier....cheers! The German language belongs to the West Germanic group of languages within the Indo- European language family and is considered a close relative of English. As I've already told you in my previous blog, my first reaction when I came to know about us moving to Germany was 'No Way' and it felt as though a catastrophe had befallen me. But once I started taking German classes for my A1, I realised it isn't that arduous as I first thought it to be, in fact much to my surprise I found German fascinating.

Mind you! When I said close relatives, German and English could very well be even step sisters. Don't think similar spelled or sounding words mean the same too and don't be mistaken by its alphabets and numbers...they are pronounced differently as well. 'Gift' in German means poison...oh!! boy it's safest not to receive any gifts from your German friends. Likewise, German word for 'advice' is 'Rat'...so it's safe to accept rats from them but certainly not gifts, besides the German word 'Bald' has nothing to do with hair, it means 'soon'. ( if only poor English 'bald 'would get some hair soon). German could be slightly or correction! a lot confusing for the beginners and to be frank, I still get confused with it and a lot of times. Deutsch has three genders-

Masculine (der)

Feminine (die) and

Neuter (das)

Unlike English, German is a language clearly specifying the genders. To avoid sounding stupid and illiterate among native speakers, do learn each noun with its gender...if you can't remember, then go mute when among Germans, at least you won't make a fool of yourself. I have one question to ask from my German friends, when auto mobiles fall in the category of neuter noun ie das auto, then for God's sake why is it written der Golf Volkswagen? C'mon guys! why do you baffle us new learners by contradicting your own grammar rules? Further, the gender for child is understandably neuter i.e das kind, surprisingly, the gender for girl i.e das Mädchen is for some weirdest reason neuter too and so is wife das Weib. What? Mark Twain was right when he said “In German a young lady has no sex, but a turnip has (die Ruebe)” I think not just B2 level, I should do my PhD in the language to unravel the mystery behind these unexplainable and highly complicated gender rules. Guess! We will get used to them, sooner or later.

As though these grammar rules were not enough to befuddle us, German turns out to be a language rich not just in vocabulary but also famous for its exceptionally long framed words. For eg- ' 'Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz'

This 63-letter word means: Beef labelling regulation & delegation of supervision law! Rechtsschutzversicherungsgesellschaften is a 39-letter word meaning: Legal protection insurance companies. According to German Wikipedia and the Guinness World Records book, the longest word in the German language is- Donaudampfschifffahrtselektrizitätenhauptbetriebswerkbauunterbeamtengesellschaft. The English translation of which is ' Association for subordinate officials of the head office management of the Danube steamboat electrical services'. Ohh! I have got my head spinning, I see stars. One single word takes you on a sabbatical and it's like travelling all day in one word which leaves you too exhausted to move to the next...truly these are alphabetical processions. I shouldn't fiddle with the language any further lest you get demoralised about learning German. These are just fun facts. Don't forget, we never learnt English in a day, it took its own time and years of practice (something like, Rome was not build in a day). The best way to get mastery of the language is to read, hear and write, whenever and wherever you can. When you hear, you get the diction right and you start picking up by understanding what is being said. Read newspapers like Super Sonntag and Super Mitwoch freely delivered to your mailboxes, I would also suggest you to listen to local radio and focus on spoken German, this is the most entertaining way to correct your German otherwise you would speak German in your own unique dialect and poor Germans would go blank! Apart from its familiarity with English, I believe those who know Arabic or Urdu languages would have a better hold of the right pronunciation. There are words in German which you pronounce deeper in throat quite similar to Arabic or Urdu.

Did you know German is spoken by more than 100 million people worldwide which makes it the third most taught language and has 35 dialects. German is also spoken in Austria, Switzerland, Liechtenstein, Luxembourg, south Tyrol region of Italy, the Opole Voivodship of Poland, parts of Belgium and Romania along with Alsace region of France. It's considered to be one of the most important cultural languages in the world. Many renowned musicians and scientists like Freud, Beethoven, Goethe, Mozart and Einstein wrote and spoke in German. According to a legend, Deutsch almost became the official language of the United States of America. Following the American war of independence, the Continental Congress held in Philadelphia at one time considered adopting a new language for the future of the US, primarily with the aim of cutting off all ties with England. Among the suggested languages were German, Hebrew and French. However, German lost to English by just a single vote.

Nonetheless, I still maintain, German is one of the most natural, rich and powerful languages, very distinct in its style and rules of prosody. It is unusually pleasing to the ears.... thus becoming a lot more sexier than French, somehow Danke sounds better then Merci and Guten Tag better than Bonjour! So keep trying, practice does make a man perfect.