I am a woman, I grieve not, if I am stabbed by my clan.
I have dipped my fingers in my heart’s blood.
What if I am duped by that gold wedding band?
And my own have put fetters on my feet.
My soul shall forever remain free.

Behind that rising and shining facade of a fast growing economy lie the tearful and grim tales of countless Indian women, some told while others untold...lost in the pages of time or buried in dust.

Being a woman is the most beautiful feeling in the world, a woman is a nurturer of life who takes generations forward, she's dynamic and multi faceted, who bears and endures all hardships without a frown for the ones she loves, she is an enigma far deeper than the Monalisa's smile, a revolution when determined, a force to reckon with when tested, yet full of gentleness and care and off course! behind every successful man is a woman.... that's the power of 'She' and there's no stopping her. Yet, she has been trampled under the feet over and over again since time immemorial. Not as a feminist, but as a human I feel women have been victimized in all eras, in all generations and in all counties east or west! However, today the ratio of exploitation of women and deprivation of their rights of freedom is relatively lower in the west.

Now comes the basic question, are we free really? What does freedom mean to you? And how come the map of freedom different for men than for women in general and India in particular? Every country has its own set of drawbacks and it's the duty of mature and responsible citizenry to help rid the country of its problems, be it economical or social. As far as my country is concerned, I believe it's more of a disorder in terms of social evils that have perpetrated deep into our system, leaving our country paralyzed, it's time to take the call, to rid India from the clutches of the disease....which is but the denial and violation of the most basic rights of women. Let's take marriage for example, the so called 'big fat Indian wedding' and compare it with the marriage in the west, say for e.g. Germany.

In the west, boy and girl meet, boy loves girl, girl loves boy and they get married... sweet and simple! In India, first, there is still segregation of sexes at large, somehow if they meet each other (against all odds), boy loves girl, girl loves boy. The boy’s family has to love the girl and the girl’s family has to love the boy. Furthermore, the boy’s family has to like the girl’s family and the girl’s family has to like the boy’s family….which never happens! So why take the pain of chasing after love marriage? Confused are you? Welcome to India. Here everything leaves you speechless and puzzled, for marriage is a union of families and not just an individual affair. Accepting the free will of young men and women as regards their life partners is still an exception and not a trend. Funny as it may sound, it’s the bitter truth of the world’s largest democracy, where even today women are devoid of the right to free life. A country where we grow up watching Bollywood that harps predominantly on the theme of romance, isn’t it hypocrisy to force us to survive within the narrow confines of the so called societal or suicidal norms. All because developing even slightest of feelings for opposite sex is a reason big enough to raise eye brows. Though, I agree we are now beginning to open up to the concept of love marriages but widely in India, love is still something talking about which makes an average young Indian weak at the knees and gives our elders heart attacks...not to mention becoming the hot target of the gossip mongers...so every time you walk past them, you set tongues wagging. If at all you muster the courage of challenging the set practice, wait till all hell breaks loose on you and suddenly, you begin to feel like a murderer and certainly, our parents do consider us a murderer of their dreams of finding us the match of their own choice....Oh! 'How could we be so cruel to them, after all they are our parents' is exactly how we youngsters begin to feel. So first we are a murderer (of our parents ambitions for us) and then guilty of crime (i.e. loving someone), we are convicted!

Unfortunately, the stringent rules and regulations laid down in our social system hundreds of years ago by our ancestors have to be followed at all costs, otherwise you are ostracized by your community. Then what about the west? Don’t westerners get married? They choose their own partners, don’t their marriages work out? “ And for how long do their marriages last? A few years, a few months or a couple of days? No doubt, the divorce rate is so high in the west as compared to the east” comes a terse reply from our parents. Then they narrate the stories of Hollywood celebrities’ marriage debacle from Britney Spear's surprise marriage with Jason Alexander which ended two days later in Vegas (certainly could not have lasted longer) to Jennifer Lopez’ s three marriages with the third one with Mark Anthony on the brink of divorce too and so on and so forth…What! and why are we being told of celebs' divorces? Oh! Come on, can’t we have an example of a normal, happily married, western couple? No, those stories go unnoticed, after all they don't makeup Page 3 juicy gossip. If at all, you try to explain to them that love marriages don't necessarily fail every time, you spur up heated arguments followed by counter-arguments, our elders can go to any extent to prove their point right, hence the term argumentative Indians! Finally you put your hands down and give up.

Usually, in India we let our parents take the major decision of our life, i.e. 'Our Marriage' out of both respect and fear. And it's a matter of great pride and honour for them. Interestingly, match making is the favourite leisure of our elders and the biggest horror of the youngsters. Sixty-six years of India’s independence and many milestones already accomplished, today we are counted amongst the biggest economies. We are powerful, we are the world, we are a success story... we are everything but free. We may no longer be governed politically or economically by a colonizer, but socially we are still enslaved by the age old, irrational and rigid traditions and dogmas. A nation’s prosperity and growth are not only determined by the progress it has made in science and technology or the wealth it hoards but also by the way its citizens are treated….and treated as humans. Where you can’t openly talk about your feelings for someone, where it’s still a taboo to go on a date, where you are forbidden to celebrate Valentine’s day (lest you be caught by the right wing activists and publicly thrashed and beaten), where you become a social outcaste if you marry the person of your choice, is that nation actually progressing?

Stagnant customs, stagnant mindset and stagnant life that’s the dark side of the great Indian saga. The big question is not about marriage, it’s about riddance from rotten rituals, which have made the life of millions, miserable. India is a land of traditions, in fact the oldest living civilization, our culture teaches us to respect our elders and we do it so religiously to the extent that we literally hand over the reins of our life to them willingly or unwillingly. Perhaps, burying our own individualism somewhere. Parents are believed to have a better understanding of what is best suited for their children since they have better experience of the world they decide whom should their daughter or son marry.

An art, most Indian parents have fully mastered in is the Art of Emotional Blackmail. “We’ve always been loving parents, we sacrificed everything to give you the best possible upbringing even in times of adversity.” These poignant lines fed to us three times a day, morning, evening and night, make us loose all our insight. It’s like a tug of war between your family and your desires. Ultimately, you let go of your own happiness for the sake of your parents, obedient yet so miserable! The lovesick couples who initially thought of holding on to each other, constantly face the dilemma whether it is really worth marrying by making so many around unhappy? Truly shows, how your affection for someone is at the mercy of societal and familial customs.

In small Indian towns or even in larger cities, love is indicted for misleading the youth. A handful who dare to voice against their family’s wishes are either disowned or the incidents of honour killing are plentiful in our country. What I fail to understand, is there any honour in killing? Or isn't it a murder in the name of honour? Universal Declaration of Human Rights Article 16 (2) states, “Marriage shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of the intending spouses.” Yet more than 1000 honour killings every year in India are linked to forced marriages. According to a report prepared by two legal experts in India “Forced marriages and honour killings are often intertwined. Marriage can be forced to save honour.” A woman can be murdered for rejecting a forced marriage or marrying a partner of her own choice who is unacceptable to her family. In traditional societies like ours, 'Honour Killings' are justified as a sanction for dishonourable conduct. Though there is a difference between arranged and forced marriages, but mostly, arranged marriages are forced, because love marriages are denied. Matrimony has become a deal between the families, a boy’s lineage, his bank balance, his qualification (sometimes qualification comes after his bank statement) are the three deciding factors to accept or reject him... Age No Bar! “This is sufficient to buy us happiness”, our elders feel. The divorce rate in India is the lowest in the world with only 1.1% against Germany which is 39.4% (according to divorcerate.org), which makes me question Hey! India what's your secret? Once married, we have to live and die in the same hell. There is no respite or rescue for us, does that explain the low divorce rate in our subcontinent? Women divorcees are not fully accepted in our closed and conservative world, besides, the social isolation that follows is traumatic.

In the state of Haryana (India), foeticide of girls has led to a ratio of 800 women to every 1000 men, SHOCKED? The reason is even more shocking. All because men don’t want to have daughters who would at some time, develop a liking for someone and thus bring disgrace to the family. India truly is a country of contrasts, a fast modernizing country yet largely agrarian with around 70% of population living in rural India; an influential democracy where you are even deprived of your most basic right (i.e. freedom to live your life your own way); a nuclear power which was once the birth place of non violence; a vibrant heritage still much darkness in our lives.

It’s a tough and lonely battle for millions of Indian women against the social evils prevalent in our male driven society. The path to victory is not easy, it never was. It’s the clash of generations, young India vs old India. A lot is being done and a lot more needs to be done. Hopes are high, hurdles many, paths few, still the heart feels… if only we could break free some day.